My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
