I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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