I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
