im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
