If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
