Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
