Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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