You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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