ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city