Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We can get drunk and battle coyotes