I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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