i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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