i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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