She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
