i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
