i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
