Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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