it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
