Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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