I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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