What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
