Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
