No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize