Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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