just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
