he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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