yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
