Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
