We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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