none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
