Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
