Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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