After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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