Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My cat gives me a boner
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
