An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
