We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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