So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
