i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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