we're blogging at a bar
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
someone owes me an orgasm
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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