Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
