:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
