Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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