You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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