her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
