What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there is glitter all over my balls
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
