you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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