i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
