Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
