Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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