Don't you send me to vm
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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