Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
