I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
