none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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