I wannas sexs uuuuu
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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