it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
