ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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