He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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