just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
