we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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