I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
