you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
