I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dicks are not precious.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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