I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
