His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
