yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
