just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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