He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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